All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
