Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
