She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
