There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
