Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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