Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
