she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
