she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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