god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
