i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Come share oat with me in your robe
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
