Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
