How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
