Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
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it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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