Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.

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  (206): Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though. http://tfl.nu/6g66
  Replies (27) Good night (1921) Bad night (5732)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.

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  (609): I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk. http://tfl.nu/79zz
  Replies (70) Good night (5697) Bad night (771)
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  (925): View more from California

  They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.

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  (925): They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah. http://tfl.nu/e2zc
  Replies (71) Good night (934) Bad night (6882)
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  (925): View more from California

  Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.

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  (925): Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here. http://tfl.nu/dbsi
  Replies (9) Good night (3602) Bad night (1018)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  wanna hang out tonight and remember it?

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  (717): wanna hang out tonight and remember it? http://tfl.nu/5q3c
  Replies (18) Good night (6200) Bad night (1732)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"

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  (507): Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07" http://tfl.nu/j0aw
  Replies (12) Good night (2666) Bad night (1156)
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  (619): View more from California

  Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.

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  (619): Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer. http://tfl.nu/flbo
  Replies (17) Good night (2510) Bad night (1128)
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  (530): View more from California

  Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine

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  (530): Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine http://tfl.nu/asqo
  Replies (37) Good night (2259) Bad night (4217)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk

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  (410): I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk http://tfl.nu/te86
  Replies (12) Good night (1249) Bad night (710)
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  (707): View more from California

  Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.

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  (707): Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life. http://tfl.nu/o39j
  Replies (6) Good night (1408) Bad night (489)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.

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  (419): Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in. http://tfl.nu/ss55
  Replies (14) Good night (1630) Bad night (765)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move

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  (727): I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move http://tfl.nu/nqhs
  Replies (3) Good night (503) Bad night (260)
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  (949): View more from California

  It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.

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  (949): It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants. http://tfl.nu/9y1w
  Replies (5) Good night (382) Bad night (744)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat

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  (717): So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat http://tfl.nu/zli8
  Replies (5) Good night (1042) Bad night (295)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.

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  (260): We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right. http://tfl.nu/s77j
  Replies (5) Good night (634) Bad night (281)

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