I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling