Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
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But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
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I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.