Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess