i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?