Texts From Last Night

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.

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  (732): pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom. http://tfl.nu/lqbf
  Replies (5) Good night (625) Bad night (1222)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.

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  (719): I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment. http://tfl.nu/wmih
  Replies (15) Good night (3032) Bad night (684)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat

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  (203): i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat http://tfl.nu/frov
  Replies (24) Good night (4589) Bad night (541)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.

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  (586): Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now. http://tfl.nu/hw0c
  Replies (41) Good night (6031) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match

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  (720): I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match http://tfl.nu/pm5g
  Replies (11) Good night (4331) Bad night (1422)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??

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  (502): What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."?? http://tfl.nu/h07e
  Replies (25) Good night (1460) Bad night (2644)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.

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  (267): I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it. http://tfl.nu/g3cm
  Replies (3) Good night (1195) Bad night (1560)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.

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  (479): If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough. http://tfl.nu/qsaq
  Replies (12) Good night (3140) Bad night (706)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be

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  (206): second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be http://tfl.nu/jh2s
  Replies (11) Good night (692) Bad night (2669)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?

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  (203): We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right? http://tfl.nu/13y7
  Replies (9) Good night (1396) Bad night (612)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  You should probably take note of that and make it happen.

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  (267): In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards. (267): You should probably take note of that and make it happen. http://tfl.nu/k5f3
  Replies (22) Good night (2728) Bad night (688)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.

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  (479): The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man. http://tfl.nu/vong
  Replies (7) Good night (940) Bad night (560)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward

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  (660): hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv? (816): yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward http://tfl.nu/dn5c
  Replies (12) Good night (1400) Bad night (377)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.

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  (250): Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street (250): It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any. http://tfl.nu/mi10
  Replies (1) Good night (680) Bad night (302)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.

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  (513): I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me. http://tfl.nu/ewcq
  Replies (2) Good night (240) Bad night (537)

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