im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
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And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
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I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She made me pour olive oil on her.