I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had