Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
