You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
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My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
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I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened