I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
how drunk are you?
Several
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
