You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
