If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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