so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
