I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
