She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
