i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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