Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
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she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
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I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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