Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
