I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize