Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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