How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize