There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
