Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
