I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
