She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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