Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
