Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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