I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
