dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I had to cum in my sink.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
