You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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