I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
