my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
