I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She swung at the pinata with crutches
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
