if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My vagina just clenched in fear
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