You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
