things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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