I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
