Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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