There was a lot of him and a little penis
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
