does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
