walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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