Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
