You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
