my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
