Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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