god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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