Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
