My friends, they love my intelligence
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
