No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He passed out mid-signature
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
