my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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