You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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