zippers are such a cool invention
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
