I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
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She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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