babies were throwing up all over the place
i think i have herpe
just one?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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