I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
