He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
