I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
