just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
