they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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