im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
