so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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