You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
