Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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