I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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