she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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