I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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