3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
