apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
40s are totally the cure
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
