I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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