ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
